btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
