Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
