I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize