non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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