I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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