Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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