just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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