I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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