Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
