We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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