I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
