I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
