She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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