Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
