trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize