I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
