awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
