what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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