forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
