I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
