so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
