I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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