trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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