He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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