They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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