At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
