you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
