she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
