im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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