my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
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