I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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