And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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