Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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