i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
