The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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