i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
