I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Randomize
