he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
