Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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