Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
