when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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