were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
