I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Too much gin, very little bucket
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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