hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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