we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
