I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
