I must be too annoying 4 u.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
