Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
