this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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