Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
