It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
