we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize