Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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