You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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