im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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