his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
