i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
