im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
