mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
