I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
