Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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