Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
