Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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