Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
