If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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