dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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