If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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