the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
