I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
ok first of all what the fuck
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
