When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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