she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
