chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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