Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
