i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
