Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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