The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
