I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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