So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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