i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
