So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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