Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
