think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
