I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
