I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i dont even know how to be here
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
