yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
