im gay
i know
yea but for you.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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