Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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