halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Naked Twister starts at high noon
sick fucks of a feather flock together
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
