I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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