Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
