You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
