He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize