Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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