You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
