There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
