why didn't you poke me back
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize