Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
