Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
