Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We got so high we made milksteak
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
