why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
