somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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