My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
