Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
