I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
