I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize